Saturday, January 2, 2010

It's a New Year


Dear Briana,

We just welcomed a new year, a new decade...it's 2010. We had a very quiet, relaxing beginning to the new year. We ate dinner at Grandma's and enjoyed quiet time at home, only hearing a few fireworks going off in the night.

I guess this is the time people make goals for the new year...new year's resolutions. I've never really been one to set my mind to a particular goal to celebrate a new year, but this year I've decided to make one. I want to be a better mom. I want to be the best I can be at motherhood. Sounds so simple, so easy, but the task of motherhood is so vastly challenging...so not simple and not easy.

I resolve to spend more time gazing lovingly at Avalyn, forgetting the storm of thoughts and worries blowing through my brain. Those things don't matter. Right here, this moment, right now...Avalyn...she matters. I resolve to spend less time cleaning and fretting over dirty dishes, and more of that time involved in play time with your sister. She loves play time so much better when I am involved. I resolve to give her more hugs and gentle kisses; to tickle her more and to take more time exploring the outdoors with her. After all, she so thoroughly loves being outside...just like you. I resolve to be a better informed, more educated mother; to make decisions on her well-being based on my instincts and research rather that what's communally "acceptable". I resolve to spend more time thinking of you; opening the floodgates of memory, and whatever comes with it....tears, laughter, anger, joys...

I miss you so much, and love you so much more, Briana. It's 2010, a new year, one year closer to you.

As always,
Mommy