As Always

Dear Briana,

I am sitting here missing you, as I always do. Your sister is taking a long, big girl nap and amidst the dishes and laundry, my mind keeps returning to you. This morning your sister and I were outside feeding the cats, and I set her down on the sidewalk, as I always do, so she can pluck the grass from its roots and make piles of it on the concrete. I watched her and couldn't help but smile at the mess she was making of the sidewalk and of herself, grass and dirt all over her lap and lodged deep within her fingernails. Then I thought about you. I could see you in that same exact spot in your purple bumbo seat; your white lacey bonnet wrapped around your neck, looking out into the distance, simply pondering; your blue eyes fixated on something in the distance. I now wonder what it was that had you so captivated for that momemt.



So many things remind me of you. Little things I do with your sister now bring me back to those little things I did with you two years ago. When I think back, I realize that there was something so special about you, so different. Yes, every mother feels their child is special and unique, but you had something different. I can't put my finger on what it was, but it was.

Avalyn is now 10 months old today. Amazing. She is changing so much and is growing into such a beautiful, charming little girl. How much I wish you two could grow up together. I hear her waking so I must go. I love you, as always.

Mommy

Missing You

Dear Briana,

It's been two full years since you left to go Home. That number boggles my mind; I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that we've been missing you for that long. I miss you the same as I did two years ago. I still long for you and call out your name in hopes that you hear me. I still catch myself, even right now, staring at your pictures trying to remember every detail I can from that moment in time.



You in your yellow swim suit with sweet little purple and pink flowers on the front, sitting on my lap next to the pool at your great Grammy's in St Augustine. You were watching daddy swim, so completely enthralled by the water. I took a picture of us together, you staring at your daddy in the pool. Even now, when I look at this picture, I can see how captivated you were at that moment in time. I can see your eyes wide and alert, sparkling just like the very water you're staring at. I can feel your arms and legs jumping with excitement. You just loved the water. I took you over to daddy and he held you out so you could kick your legs and glide across the top of the water. I have that moment on tape as well. But even looking at the picture brings me back to that very time; it all comes right back to me.



I love you Briana and time will never deplete that deep love I have for you. Nothing can ever take away the year we had together. I felt our connection the instant I knew you were growing inside of me. That bond will never break, never fail. Sometimes I hate time, knowing every hour, every day that passes, that it's been that much longer since I last held you and felt your warmth in my arms. But I also know that time is my friend and that I am growing closer and closer to you.

I love you Briana and I will see you again....soon.

Love, Mommy