Funny Little Faces

Dearest Briana

It's hard to know what to write other than how sad I am and how much I miss you. So I decided to pick a picture we had taken of you and write what I remember from that moment in time. It seems looking at your pictures is what stirs up the most in depth thoughts and memories. I can look at one picture and that one picture can bring back a slew of events that happened around that moment in time.

The date I took these pictures was July 1, 2007. Just days before you went home. Knowing that alone fills my heart with aching sadness. You were being so silly with daddy, lounging on the couch, daddy visibly looking tired. You laid there with your dad, sharing sweet moments that would forever link your hearts. I remember that outfit you wore, it was the first time you had worn it and it was looking a bit big on you. You laid on daddy's tummy and began making the funniest little faces. It was just your mouth, you were moving it from side to side, obviously just beginning to realize you had a mouth there. I quickly grabbed the camera to catch these moments. These pictures just don't fully capture the true feeling of that moment, of how delighted you were of yourself learning to move your mouth and feel your lips....of how excited I was to see you do it...of how warm your daddy felt with you snuggled against his skin. They just don't suffice. Still, I am so glad I took these pictures. Just two weeks before you were gone....Now I wish I could of somehow cherished it more.

As Always, with love

Mommy

On My Mind

Dear Briana

Your sister is taking a nap and I can't get you out of my head. I always think of you during moments like these; quiet times I have alone to myself. It's hard to think about anything other than your sister when she is awake, and clinging to my legs yelling "Mommy!".

She is growing so big and becoming extremely talkative. In fact, she really never stops talking. It's amazing how quickly she is turning into a little girl and no longer my baby. I look at her all of the time and try to see you in her, but I can't. When I was pregnant with her, I prayed she would look just like you, but she never has. I just wanted to be reminded of you. I wanted to see you all day. I wanted to see you grow. I wanted everything we missed out on. But your sister is so, so different.

I miss you so much. You would be three years old. I see other kids around that age, with their long hair thrown back in ponytails, running around and playing and talking. If I think about it too much, it really hurts me. Thanks to your sister though, it's almost impossible to dwell on it for long. Still, I wish I could see you as a three-year-old.

I love you

As Always

Mommy