As Always

Dear Briana,

I am sitting here missing you, as I always do. Your sister is taking a long, big girl nap and amidst the dishes and laundry, my mind keeps returning to you. This morning your sister and I were outside feeding the cats, and I set her down on the sidewalk, as I always do, so she can pluck the grass from its roots and make piles of it on the concrete. I watched her and couldn't help but smile at the mess she was making of the sidewalk and of herself, grass and dirt all over her lap and lodged deep within her fingernails. Then I thought about you. I could see you in that same exact spot in your purple bumbo seat; your white lacey bonnet wrapped around your neck, looking out into the distance, simply pondering; your blue eyes fixated on something in the distance. I now wonder what it was that had you so captivated for that momemt.



So many things remind me of you. Little things I do with your sister now bring me back to those little things I did with you two years ago. When I think back, I realize that there was something so special about you, so different. Yes, every mother feels their child is special and unique, but you had something different. I can't put my finger on what it was, but it was.

Avalyn is now 10 months old today. Amazing. She is changing so much and is growing into such a beautiful, charming little girl. How much I wish you two could grow up together. I hear her waking so I must go. I love you, as always.

Mommy