My title explains it all: I am utterly exhausted!! It does take a village to raise a child! Doing it alone most of the time takes every drop of energy and patience I've got. Avalyn hasn't quite gotten the hang of entertaining herself, so that leaves me to entertain her. By about 2pm every day, my bag of tricks is running empty trying to keep Avalyn from crying and I am often left with no choice but to cry with her.
I am so sick of everyone saying that it gets easier as they get older; that the first few months are the hardest, then things seem to get better. Not always so! The first few months were a walk in the park compared to these last few months. She slept a lot, allowing me time to pump, get something to eat, get things situated around the house. I could set her down in one spot and she'd look around, keeping herself entertained, for at least a few minutes at a time. Now she barely sleeps and I am her favorite toy. Getting her to take a nap is like trying to bathe a cat...she fights and scratches and snarls. Then she is a grouch all day because she is so tired, she's constantly rubbing her eyes and tugging at her ears in exhaustion, but she just won't give herself a break. And, in turn, no break for me! When Brian comes home from work, Avalyn is waiting at the door for him! Finally, a moment to myself! Evenings are sometimes even more difficult, and I am getting the feeling that Brian is beginning to love his job a lot more now. Nights are increasingly interrupted; she used to sleep throught the night a lot, now she wakes 2-3 times! Her night time crying is so much more fierce than her daytime crying. I used to think alarm clocks were annoying, at least you set them for the time you want them to go off and they come with snooze buttons! I keep saying 'she's probably teething', but after 4 months and no tooth, that excuse goes out the window. Brian and I keep saying, believing what everyone is telling us, that things will get easier. But yesterday I got so sick of believing that then being disappointed when it doesn't, so I told Brian let's not expect things to get easier. Let's expect them to stay the same or even get worse, so that if and when things do get easier, we'll be surprised and not be like 'oh, about time!'. And, for now, we can stop setting ourselves up for disappointment by believing next month she'll be a piece of cake to take care, because she most certainly will not. Also, we will learn to enjoy her more now and love her more now for the way she is, and not be angry because she's not the way we want her to be or expect her to be. So, please, spare us the disappointment, please stop telling us things will get easier. And we will be more surprised when it does, because I know one day it will.
I am so sick of everyone saying that it gets easier as they get older; that the first few months are the hardest, then things seem to get better. Not always so! The first few months were a walk in the park compared to these last few months. She slept a lot, allowing me time to pump, get something to eat, get things situated around the house. I could set her down in one spot and she'd look around, keeping herself entertained, for at least a few minutes at a time. Now she barely sleeps and I am her favorite toy. Getting her to take a nap is like trying to bathe a cat...she fights and scratches and snarls. Then she is a grouch all day because she is so tired, she's constantly rubbing her eyes and tugging at her ears in exhaustion, but she just won't give herself a break. And, in turn, no break for me! When Brian comes home from work, Avalyn is waiting at the door for him! Finally, a moment to myself! Evenings are sometimes even more difficult, and I am getting the feeling that Brian is beginning to love his job a lot more now. Nights are increasingly interrupted; she used to sleep throught the night a lot, now she wakes 2-3 times! Her night time crying is so much more fierce than her daytime crying. I used to think alarm clocks were annoying, at least you set them for the time you want them to go off and they come with snooze buttons! I keep saying 'she's probably teething', but after 4 months and no tooth, that excuse goes out the window. Brian and I keep saying, believing what everyone is telling us, that things will get easier. But yesterday I got so sick of believing that then being disappointed when it doesn't, so I told Brian let's not expect things to get easier. Let's expect them to stay the same or even get worse, so that if and when things do get easier, we'll be surprised and not be like 'oh, about time!'. And, for now, we can stop setting ourselves up for disappointment by believing next month she'll be a piece of cake to take care, because she most certainly will not. Also, we will learn to enjoy her more now and love her more now for the way she is, and not be angry because she's not the way we want her to be or expect her to be. So, please, spare us the disappointment, please stop telling us things will get easier. And we will be more surprised when it does, because I know one day it will.
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