My Love

Dear Briana,

As Valentine's Day approaches, I can't help but think of you. I was at the store today picking out a card for your daddy and I saw some cards for Daughter's. Immediately I thought Avalyn is much too young for a card, but what should I do for her? I then thought of making some homemade healthy cookies for her, which had been a plan for a while, but I figured this would be a good time. I usually feed her some organic honey graham crackers, which she loves (they're not very good, she just doesn't know it yet), but I wanted to make something myself. I think I am going to make some oatmeal cookies. She really likes oatmeal. Maybe I'll add in some agave nectar or honey for sweetness, or even some apples or something. I know she'll love them however they turn out. Now with Avalyn tucked away asleep, I am thinking of you. How I wish I could send you a card to Heaven, or even some of Ava's cookies. I wish I could send something everyday, just to let you know I am constantly thinking of you. Instead I write these words to you, these sweet and short letters to remind myself I can never forget. Instead I often cry salty, painful tears and weep in shameful silence. Instead I watch Avalyn grow and wish it were you. There are no real letters to Heaven, no real balloons that drift there, no real way for oatmeal cookies to make it there. There is no real way for me to know that YOU KNOW I love you and am thinking of you. So I write, and cry, and write, and cry some more because it just makes me feel better I guess.

Forever still, I love you and early Happy Valentine's Day to my Valentine.

As always,
Mommy