Dear Briana
So it's just past midnight, the 27th of March, 2011, and today already reminds me of all that should have been. You would be 4 today and we would be celebrating fittingly; party, cake, balloons, friends, all of that. You would be a wide-eyed, bushy-tailed, fun, energetic preschooler. I think of how it would be - how you would be - and it overwhelms me with a certain sadness. I still see other kids and picture you in their shoes, doing the things they're doing, playing hop-scotch at the park, riding bikes, climbing trees. Even though it's hard to imagine, I must envision what would had been.
I miss you terribly, not only on your birthday, but especially on your birthday. I think of the day I birthed you with a common joy and sadness. I can only hope that one day I can think of you and feel nothing but great happiness; perhaps only then will I truly know how proud I am to call myself your mother.
As always,
mommy
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