5 Years Ago....

Dear Briana,

Five years ago today you were all mine. I was never a happier person; the joy of being a mother is unmatched, irreplaceable. Thank you for making me a mother.

Now I imagine you at age five, as I do every year, for every birthday. I still imagine you with bright blue eyes, perhaps with curly dark hair like your sister...

You would be starting kindergarten soon, learning invaluable tools that would inevitably help you build a career. You would be making friends, playing organized games, and reading and writing....

I can't believe it's been five years...it really doesn't feel like it's been that long. Your presence still feels fresh; while some of my memories have faded, most of them are still crisp and clear.

I guess I will always think of you as my sweet, playful baby girl. Even at 3 months old, you were so active. You were close to sitting up...you held your head up high, played with toys, smiled all of the time, and made eye contact. I just remember you always wanting to see everything. One time at Target, I was pushing you in the cart and you were laying in your car seat. You began to whine a bit, so I put on my fingers and you quickly grasped them with your hands. I then pulled you up to sitting position, and just like that you were as happy as a clam. You could see everything. As soon as I laid you back again, you started to whine. I just smiled because you were just so cute. I remember being so happy pushing you around, so proud to be your mommy. I felt so complete with my little girl, my precious daughter.

Your sister talks about you a lot now. When she woke up this morning, I told her it was your birthday. She said, "but Briana is in Heaven". I told her "I know, but it's still her birthday". She is very confused not knowing how we will get you cake and balloons to Heaven. I am reassured in knowing Heaven doesn't need cake, presents, or balloons.

I love you Briana and you are on my mind today, the 27th of March 2012.

As always,

Mommy