Defeated

Now, over one year after Briana went to Heaven, some days are good, never great, and some days are just bad, very, very bad. Some days I feel victorious in my battle with life's elements, but some days I feel defeated. Today I feel extremely defeated. The pelting of this harsh rain and beating of these strong winds have me begging for mercy. Please, Lord, just please give me peace, grant me strength - I feel so broken and heavy-laden. I know only you can lift up this head of mine and keep me from falling.

Last night I laid awake thinking of Briana, and of the happy times we spent together. I thought about our trips to the store, bath time together, holding her ever so proudly in my arms in public, beeming, screaming "Look at her, this is my daughter, and, boy, am I proud to be her mommy". These happy moments flash before my eyes, being embedded in my memory, but then are quickly overcome with the knowledge that she's gone. Happiness turns into sadness, simple joys into streams of tears. Defeat.